Continued from: With Drawn: Part 25 — The Man of theHouse
Jacob ran around the back of the Hamptons’ house and he trotted past the front porch as Harriet Berring stepped in through the house’s front door with umbrella at the ready. Jacob darted across the street to the back of the Walsh’s house, slipping in through the Walsh’s kitchen door. He crept toward the living room, hoping that maybe Dennis had passed out on the couch, or maybe Jacob could quickly dart past his stepfather and up the stairs before Dennis could say anything about where Jacob had been or what he’d been doing. But Jacob stopped his creeping when he heard Dennis’s hawking laugh coming from the living room. Jacob stood still in the kitchen, listening for what he knew would come next. And then it came, Rod Rogers’s high-pitched squeal of laughter. Jacob then remembered that it was UFC night. Rod came over to watch the fights.
UFC stood for Ultimate Fighting Championship. It is very similar to the cock-fights that Timothy Wilcox was gambling on in Afghanistan—only it was two humans fighting instead of roosters. Dennis often called Jacob a fag for not liking sports. “Fag” is a derogatory term for a homosexual. So Dennis was implying that Jacob was homosexual for not enjoying the UFC—a sport where two seminude men role around on a mat together. Go figure.
Anyway, another thing that Dennis and Rod liked to do while watching the UFC, was to drink a lot of beers and tell crude stories, and even cruder jokes.
Jacob began creeping toward the living room again, but stopped when he heard another burst of laughter. Jacob wasn’t quite sure what to do next. He didn’t want to face the two men in the living room, who were drunk and high on the bloodlust of the fighting. But he also didn’t want to spend the night in the kitchen.
The two men in the living room were in their joke-telling mode. Rod was saying this to Dennis: “All right, here’s a good one for ya. Four gay guys walk into a bar, but there’s a problem, there’s only one stool left. What do they do?”
Dennis said, “What? Flip the stool over?”
Rod said, “Sounds like you’ve been in a situation like this.”
“No,” Dennis said, “I just remember when you told me about when it happened to you. But I got that beat. Ready?”
“You ain’t got nothing beat, but your meat.”
By the way, the story about the stool was a joke about sodomy. And Rod saying that Dennis beats his meat is a joke about his friend masturbating. And still, they liked to imply that it was Jacob that was a homosexual.
Denis told this Joke to Rod: “A married couple down on their luck needs to make some extra cash, so the husband decides to have his wife work the corner. So the bitch comes home that night with two hundred dollars and fifty cents. The husband says to his wife, what asshole gave you fifty cents? And she says, all of them.”
The two men laugh hysterically. Dennis with his loud guffaw. Rod like a squealing pig.
Jacob thought about the story, not quite getting the joke. Jacob calculated that the wife, acting as a prostitute, would have had to have had sexual intercourse with four hundred and one men. Jacob figured that the joke had to do with the number of men the wife had sexual intercourse with, and that it was being derogatory toward her. But Jacob figured it was more derogatory toward the husband, who was fine with the fact that his wife had sexual intercourse with four hundred and one men. And he figured it was derogatory toward the men who were so desperate that they had to pay fifty cents to have sexual intercourse with a woman. So he wondered: who exactly was the butt of the joke? He figured it must have been the husband.
“I’ll grab us some beers,” Dennis said to Rod in the other room.
In the kitchen, Jacob tensed, looking like a deer about to get its fucking head blown off. Jacob wanted to run, but he didn’t, he just stood there as Dennis came into the kitchen.
Dennis almost tumbled over Jacob, Dennis not expecting anyone to be standing in the middle of the kitchen like that. Dennis said, “Jesus, what the fuck you doing?”
Jacob didn’t answer. He just stood and stared at Dennis as Dennis plodded to the refrigerator, Dennis grumbling to himself as if Jacob could not hear him, or as if Jacob wasn’t even there. Dennis saying, “Weird little shit.”
Rod called this from the living room: “Hey, here’s one for you. If your dog is barking at the backdoor, and your wife is yelling at the front door, which one do you let in?”
Dennis stopped for a moment as if giving this serious consideration, then he called over his shoulder, “I don’t know. Neither of them?” Dennis grabbed two beers, kicked the refrigerator door shut, and started back toward the living room.
Jacob still looked like a deer about to get its fucking head blown off.
Rod called this from the living room: “Nah, you let in the dog. At least the dog will shut up when he gets in the house.”
Jacob looked at the floor, hoping that maybe Dennis would disappear, but his stepfather was staring at him. Dennis said to Jacob, “You want something, you little retard?”
Jacob hated being called a retard, and he wanted to snap back at Dennis with an insult even worse than retard, so Jacob said the first insult that came to mind.
Even though the insult was fully formed in his mind, it was not fully formed in his mouth. Jacob said, “Is that what you have to pay, fifty cents?”
Dennis stood in the middle of the kitchen for a moment. Now he was the one that looked somewhat like a deer about to get its fucking head blown off as he worked his stepson’s comment around in his mind. Then a dawning expression washed across Dennis’s face, like he had a sudden understanding of a puzzle. And then anger washed across his face. Dennis said to Jacob, “What did you just say? What are… Are you talking about your mother?”
“No, I’m talking about you.”
“And your mother?”
“No. I’m saying that you…”
Dennis backhanded Jacob, which means that he struck Jacob with the back of his hand, and Jacob fell, losing his footing and stumbling across the room. He tumbled into the kitchen table and knocked over the table’s chairs with a loud crash.
Rod ran into the kitchen from the living room. Rod stood silently for a moment, trying to make sense of the scene before him. The scene before him was this: Jacob sprawled on the floor with Dennis standing over him like one of those UFC fighters knocking down his opponent.
Rod said, “Jesus.”
Jacob climbed from the floor and he ran from the kitchen. He ran into the living room and up the stairs to his bedroom.
Continued in: With Drawn: Part 27 — Just Wait